Many SM scenes, such as an interrogation scene or the like, involve the bottom begging for mercy, as the Top presses on with the scene. This can, in some cases, lead to ambiguities or miscommunication. If you’re in the middle of such a scene, and the bottom pleads with you to stop, do you stop or don’t you? Does the bottom really want you to stop, or is the begging part of the psychological ‘trip’ he or she is on?
In order to prevent such miscommunication, certain code-words are agreed upon by all parties involved before the scene begins. The bottom uses these words to send clear, unambiguous signals to the Top about the bottom’s physical, mental, and emotional condition.
The most common safewords are: Yellow to indicate that the activity is too intense, and that the Top needs to lighten up a little. Red indicates that all activity must stop immediately. In play party situations, where many people are gathered who have not played together before, you can usually count on these words being understood and respected by all present. Sometimes, the word safeword itself is used as the safeword.
A note of warning: Some leather-folk don’t use safe words. They believe that the ability of the bottom to ‘safe out’ takes something away from the scene. I acknowledge that there are certain situations where such play is appropriate (for example, when I discipline my boy, there is no safe word). However, I can think of NO such situation which does not involve persons who have played before many times, who know each other’s limits intimately, and who have built up an enormous amount of trust in each other.
Remember that if you agree to play without a safeword, you are putting your safety completely in the hands of another. Ask yourself whether or not you trust that person to that degree. If you do not have absolute trust in your Top, you must, in order to protect yourself, insist on a safeword.